


We Are The Reckless, We Are The Wild Youth

by Silverstream16



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, I'm Sorry, Sad, Sad Ending, Sanvers - Freeform, SuperCorp, You Have Been Warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-10 19:55:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12919119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silverstream16/pseuds/Silverstream16
Summary: Alex Danvers writes 14 letters over 14 days to Maggie Sawyer after Maggie left her, and spends the 15th day trying to piece together the remains.





	We Are The Reckless, We Are The Wild Youth

**Author's Note:**

> Fic is based off the song Youth by Daughter. It is my favorite song ever and I wanted to fit it to Sanvers please don't hate me <3

_ Shadows settle on the place, that you left _ _   
_ _ Our minds are troubled by the emptiness _

 

Day 1: 

 

Hey Mags, it’s been a minute hasn’t it? I miss you like crazy all the time, I can’t ever get you off of my mind. You meant- uh mean the world to me still, and I know you won’t see this but I was told this could help me move on so I’m writing to you, well really to myself just about you or as if it is to you but oh well. Since you’ve left I’ve been a mess, I can see you everywhere, it’s like your shadow is following me around. Then I blink and you are gone and everything feels empty again. I love you Maggie Sawyer and I don’t think I will ever stop loving you, and I am so sorry for everything.

-Alex

_   
_ _ Destroy the middle, it's a waste of time _ _   
_ __ From the perfect start to the finish line

 

Day 2:

 

Hi Sawyer, it’s the second day of writing and well I’m surprised I didn’t give up after the first day. I expected to feel stupid writing to you but I actually feel relieved, as if I’m actually talking to you. I know it sounds stupid and if you were reading this you’d call me a dork and then see me with my big stupid grin on my face laughing. Anyways, today I spent time with Kara, it was great. She’s been off spending time with Lena but she tries to spend her time with me. After they got married it was hard to get her alone, if Kara was there you could expect to see Lena, but of course that is how it has always been. They wasted so much time in the middle and I can see they regret it. I never wanted to waste all that time with you, every second was critical to me Mags, everything about you was important to me and God I miss it. The start was perfect and now here we are, finished. 

-Alex _   
_ _   
_ _ And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones _ _   
_ __ 'Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs

 

Day 3:

 

Hey Maggie, today was hard for me. Kara got hurt today and I swear I couldn’t breathe all day long, I was praying I wouldn’t lose her, I can’t handle that. I’ve lost so much Maggie and you knew that, you knew how much I’d lost so why did you leave me? Why would you do that to me? It isn’t fucking fair Maggie Sawyer. I didn’t deserve that and you know it… I’m sorry for being angry but I’m just so lost without you, it’s like I can’t breathe without you. You were the air inside of my lungs and now I’m left with nothing. Why Maggie, why did you do this?

 

-Alex

_   
_ _ Setting fire to our insides for fun _ _   
_ _ Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong _ _   
_ _ The lovers that went wrong _ __   
  


Day 4:

 

Hey Sawyer, as the days go on it gets harder and harder to focus, all I can think about is just calling you and talking to you but I know that I can’t and I know that it’s a bad idea. It would just make everything worse if I did. I’m sorry for yesterday, I think this journal thing is getting a bit rough. I’m supposed to be getting over you by writing these things and instead I’m just falling more and I’m so sorry I can’t stop it. I just need you so badly, I miss you so much. When we were together it was like a blazing fire throughout my body, it was like we were so passionate that I was setting myself on fire for you. I don’t know where we went wrong Maggie, please just tell me where it went wrong?

-Alex

_   
_ _ We are the reckless _ _   
_ _ We are the wild youth _ _   
_ __ Chasing visions of our futures

 

Day 5:

 

Hi Mags, it’s nearly been a week writing to you and I can’t help but wonder what could have been. Where would we be today? Would we be married? I can see us getting married, we are wild and reckless like that after all. We’d hold a small wedding on the beach and we’d have Winn officiate us and J’onn could walk me down the little aisle and James could walk you down the aisle like the gentleman he is. Lena could be our flower girl and Kara could sing for us. It would be the greatest day of our lives. I want that Maggie, how did you not see I wanted that. I know we were still young but we were in love. That could’ve been our future Mags, I wish that was our future.

-Alex

_   
_ _ One day we'll reveal the truth _ _   
_ __ That one will die before he gets there

 

Day 6:

 

Hey Maggie, today Kara came over with Lena, we watched a movie and had dinner. It’s been the first time in awhile that I genuinely smiled. They are so happy and I’m so happy for them but I wish it was us Maggie, it should’ve been us. They deserve happiness, they deserve so much happiness but dammit Maggie I want it to be us more than anything. If I had just told you the truth and told you what I wanted you would still be here, instead the words died on my tongue and now you’re gone and I let it happen. I am so fucking sorry Maggie Sawyer. 

-Alex

_   
_ _ And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones _ _   
_ __ 'Cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone

 

Day 7:

 

Hi Maggie, it’s officially been a week since I’ve started writing you, but it feels like it’s been years.Every time I talk to you or about you it feels like I’ve spent years talking, that’s just what you do to me Maggie. Everyday without you feels like years, time just goes so slow. Anyways, I fell this morning and hit my head on the counter and it wouldn’t stop bleeding, but I felt nothing. I was numb to the pain in my head because I was so overwhelmed to the emptiness in my heart. I feel so void of feelings today, every emotion is gone, gone like you Maggie.

-Alex

_   
_ _ We're setting fire to our insides for fun _ _   
_ _ Collecting pictures from the flood that wrecked our home _ _   
_ _ It was a flood that wrecked this _ __   
  


Day 8: 

 

Hey Sawyer, today you’ve been on my mind, but someone else is too. I’ve been so angry all day long thinking about them. They wrecked our home Maggie, they ruined us. I’m so angry and I know this is short but I can’t even write more today, I’m sorry Mags.

-Alex

_   
_ _ And you caused it _ _   
_ _ And you caused it _ _   
_ _ And you caused it _ __   
  


Day 9:

 

Hi Mags, today she’s been on my mind a little more. She ruined our relationship. She just stormed in and took you from me, and I fucking hate her. I hate her so much for taking you and now I can’t get you back. But I hate myself more for not trying hard enough, I just let her take you, I didn’t even try Maggie. I should’ve fucking tried, if I had maybe you’d still be here.

-Alex

_   
_ _ Well I've lost it all, I'm just a silhouette _ _   
_ __ A lifeless face that you'll soon forget

 

Day 10:

 

Hey Maggie, it’s been harder today than most days. I’m missing you a little more today, and I can’t stop thinking of you. When I lost you I lost everything I had. You were my everything Maggie and now it’s like I’m not even breathing anymore I’m just lifeless and to be forgotten soon enough, but you Maggie, how could anyone ever forget you. I sure as hell know I could never forget you, you are perfect Maggie, you were my perfection.

-Alex

 

_ My eyes are damp from the words you left _ _   
_ _ Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest _ _   
_ _ Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest _ __   
  


Day 11: 

 

Hey Mags, I keep thinking of the day you left and how you looked at me and told me to move on that I needed to. The words ring in my head everyday Maggie, how could I ever move on? That broke me Maggie, how could you even tell me to do that. Every inch of my body loves you, every part of my heart beats for you, it has always been that way. I will never move on Maggie Sawyer, never.

-Alex

_   
_ _ And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one _ _   
_ __ 'Cause most of us are bitter over someone

 

Day 12: 

 

Hi Sawyer, I spent the whole day with Kara and Lena and it was a good day. Of course you were on my mind the whole time, but just seeing them so happy made me happy. Kara kept nervously looking at me as if she didn’t want to seem to happy around me but I just smiled letting her know it was okay. I am so happy for them, honestly I am, they don’t even realize how lucky they are. They get to be so happy and in love and I’m still bitter over losing you Maggie, I’m so fucking bitter and I hate it sometimes. But I love my sister and her wife, and I will never not be happy for them, they mean a lot to me and I know you’d tell me to stop being an idiot and be happy for the puppy and her vampire wife. You gave the best advice Mags, I miss it.

-Alex

_   
_ _ Setting fire to our insides for fun _ _   
_ _ To distract our hearts from ever missing them _ _   
_ _ But I'm forever missing him _ _   
_ __   
Day 14:

Hi Maggie Sawyer, I miss you. That’s all I have to say to you today. I just fucking miss you. 

-Alex

 

_ And you caused it _ _   
_ _ And you caused it _ _   
_ __ And you caused it

  
  


Day 15:  __   
  


After a month, Alex was finally able to attempt to visit Maggie. Kara offered to go with her but Alex was adamant that she needed to go by herself. She got in her car and made a trip to the floral shop, hoping Maggie would approve of the pale blue orchids she picked for her. Maggie loved when Alex brought plants home for her, and the mere thought of Maggie smiling made Alex’s heart hurt because she knew Maggie didn’t smile for her anymore. She arrived at Maggie’s and sat in her car for a few minutes, pondering whether or not she should get out and see her. Alex tried convincing herself it was a good idea, but she was so scared of facing Maggie, she didn’t want to be heartbroken even more.She finally mustered the courage to get out of her car, gripping the flowers tightly in her hand as she made her way towards where Maggie was just a few feet away. When she got closer her heart started pounding more and more. Finally she couldn’t hold the tears back anymore as she dropped to her knees and threw the flowers at the cold hard stone across from her. “WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME MAGGIE? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO FUCKING LEAVE? REIGN TOOK YOU FROM ME AND I HATE HER, I’M GLAD KARA KILLED HER SHE DESERVED TO BE DEAD FOR TAKING YOU FROM ME.” Alex sobbed into her hands for a short while until she looked up again and reached out to touch the hard stone. It was cold and smooth and Alex found comfort in sliding her hand down the side of the stone. “God Maggie, I miss you so much.. I love you Maggie Sawyer, I’m still in love with you and I’ll always be in love with you. Please come back to me.. Please..” Alex broke down crying again while fixing the flowers to rest against the gray stone. There was a sudden rush of wind behind her and she turned to see Kara looking at her sadly. Alex got up and hugged her sister tight, sobbing into her shoulder.

“I know Alex, I know. I know you miss her and you love her, and I know she’s watching you and crying with you because she loves and misses you too.” Alex nodded and hiccuped, her tears slowly subsiding. “It will always hurt Alex, but the pain will start to fade until it’s just an ache. I’ll always be here for you, and so will Lena. You have us, and you have J’onn who hasn’t stopped asking about you, and Winn who no longer makes jokes anymore because he is so worried, and James who always calls me to see how you are, and even Lucy Lane who called me the other night telling me to tell you that she is very sorry for what happened. You have people Alex, you are NOT alone, Maggie would’ve hated for you to feel alone. Now let’s get you home.” Alex just nodded silently and wiped her tears. They took a few steps back towards Alex’s car before she turned her head and took one last look at the stone and read the engraving:  _ Here Lies Maggie Sawyer, Loving Friend and Incredible Girlfriend Who Will Forever Be Loved, 1990-2017. _

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry


End file.
